the blessings button (for Laura)

i had no clue what to do as a service project for laura. then one day i saw laura post something (i think on facebook) about doing family history work. i decided that if it's important enough for her to speak out about it, then that's what i should do!

and then i promptly did nothing. i wasn't sure how to get started. i wasn't sure what would be important about it. the work sounded really, really, really boring to me, so i dragged my feet finding other things that were more important. i had batted around doing other ideas hoping i could get inspired by something else.

i finally told myself "ok, this is the right thing to do. laura will appreciate it even though it's kinda bleh." i could picture myself writing a report that said "i indexed 1375 records for you. Merry Christmas!" and i could picture laura going "oh that's nice. thanks to you Brian!" and it would all be sincere and nice and happy and still kinda bleh.

but with the looming deadline staring at me in the brain, i realized i needed to do something, even if it was kinda bleh. so i made up my mind to do family history work!

and then i sat on that decision for two weeks. i didn't even know where to begin.

next i found myself in utah at the whipple's house listening to laura explain how she had encouraged a friend to do family history work to help with all her problems. "if you need blessings, think about all those people on the other side who feel so grateful for what you are doing who want to help you out!" she said (or something to that effect).

and i thought, that's it! i've got issues in my life that i could really use help with. maybe i should put her promise to the test and record the experiment. laura has the kind of big heart that she would love to know how service in her name had such positive effect for someone else. i decided to do family history work every day and record my experiences in separate blog posts.

now this is where this story gets a little troublesome.

i had decided to test the blessing experiment in an area of my life that is a bit personal. one that has huge impact in all aspects of my life and the area that i felt i needed the most help with.

but, it is a bit personal. which is tough to navigate. plus, from the very first day i was recording some ugly experiences that were happening in part because of the family history work i was doing.

it may sound a bit hyperbolic to say that family history was literally making my life much worse, but you'll just have to take that perspective at face value. i know it's probably hard to picture how that could possibly be, but it is and it was rough.

prudence would tell me to put on "fake happy blog face" and hide the ugly truth. perhaps i should just pretend that the bad stuff wasn't happening and log every day about how my wonderful life got even better by doing family history! that's what's supposed to happen anyway right?! that's what would be the most inspiring even if it wasn't true, right?! people love happy lies, so why not give them that?

but i was compelled to record the honest, ugly, and raw truth as it was happening.

and it wasn't pretty.

about halfway through the experiment i knew that my blog posts could not be for public consumption, but something told me that laura could handle the ugly truth about my life; i'm just not sure she wants to see it. (laura, here is your access to that blog if you are interested in going on that journey.)

at this point it wasn't clear yet that the experiment was going to turn out to be a positive one. it appeared that the best i could hope for is a boring report of "i did x number of indexings, it didn't ruin my life, merry Christmas!" and we could all move on to doing other things and forget this ever happened.

but i forged on. my first day of blogging about my life and my experiences ended with "i take some solace in the fact that this is supposed to help someone else. it can only get better from here!"

which was truth. and it was also the needed faithful approach to the subject. proving now herewith and all.

and things did change. there was a pivotal moment where i got exactly the help i needed in the form of simply thinking different about things. it's too complex to go into here (and too personal), but i learned a few key pieces of reality that helped me leap forward in my one area of life that i needed the most help with. and i've grasped hold of those realities since then and my life has definitely gotten better as a result. i only hope i can hold onto those gains (which i spose is up to me).

there is no logical connection between what i learned that was so useful to me and doing family history that i can point to. all i do know is i set out to test the "blessing machine" that is family history in order to find ways to improve the most baffling and distressed part of my life, and improvement was had. significant improvement. seemingly life changing improvement.

so thanks laura for the opportunity and inspiration to make my life better. i tested your "blessing machine" and can now bear testimony to the truth of it.